Married to a Poet

In lieu of memory

2011-08-20T21:00:00.008Z

'Do you remember what you did when you were a baby?'

'Mmm, I didn't like grass.' [his father told him that last week]

'Anything else?'

'Not really playing.'

----

'You're the best thing that's ever happened to me.'

'You're welcome.'

Thank you

2011-05-22T11:50:00.001Z

'Thank you, Mummy,' he says, heading down the stairs.

'For what, darling?'

'For myself.'

Busy garden days

2011-05-09T15:19:00.001Z

Spring!

2011-05-09T15:13:00.002Z

When what falls from the sky is dry and pink and much more fun than the cold wet stuff.

Where did you come from?

2011-05-03T20:51:00.002Z

So, we ask small boy, where did you come from?

'Italian' he answers (he's half-Italian)

But before that?

'99p shop' (his favourite shop - all those cars!)

Before the 99p shop...

'Home'

And before you were here?

'Sleeping'

Indeed.

Reading

2011-01-08T22:12:00.001Z

He's loved books since he was able to sit up unaided, but it's looking like my 2-and-a-bit year old is definitely following in the footsteps of his readaholic mother. Tonight, reading 'Baby Bear, Baby Bear, what do you see?', he waited til I'd finished reading and then said 'Teo do it.' He then proceeded to turn page after page, pausing and saying 'What see?' at each page.

Snow

2010-12-19T15:37:00.002Z

Son, two years old, tentatively walking through snow in our garden. Spots snow on top of his shoes - 'oh no! oh no!', crying etc.

So he's half-Australian (semi-tropical Australian, not snowy Victorian, but I'm full Australian and even I say 'wtf child!? '

2010-12-11T21:57:00.001Z

The nursery praises his 'advanced language' and good manners, but I get this:

'Away, Mama.'
'You want me to go away?'
'Far away.'

Working

2010-11-01T14:14:00.001Z

So, as a part-time working mother, I find myself envious of the social lives of both mothers who are at home full-time, and women working full-time. But I know it would be worse if I worked full-time!

Parenting fail

2010-08-05T20:36:00.002Z

Tolerating...

2010-06-21T20:40:00.002Z

My little non-walker (almost, almost!) hasn't had much need for shoes in the 19 months of his life so far. Or much tolerance, but he's now wearing these cool soft shoes sent by his friends Nicholas, Teresa and Dan very willingly indeed! Treesie, they are well scratched up - a good sign!

No respect for Australia's native animals

2010-06-14T22:34:00.002Z

Wondering why the cockatoo looks rather shocked, and the kangaroo vaguely pleased? The cockatoo used to have two feet and a whole wing, while Kanga and her joey have so far escaped the Jaws of Toddler.

Well done Mattie boy. Reconsidering letting you loose in Australia Zoo later this year.

Bookworm

2010-06-06T15:31:00.002Z

Upon arriving home from nursery and being freed from the restraints of his buggy (after bedtime, mind you), Matteo heads for the lounge and buries himself in a book.

2010-05-29T22:17:00.002Z

I did not even think to hope that when Matteo was only 18 months old, sometimes we would catch each other's eye and both burst out laughing.

This kid is just gifted with so much joy. He could probably use a little help with the spoonwork though...

Spring has well and truly sprung...

2010-05-29T22:14:00.003Z

(and now it's almost summer)

So I guess we are his real parents

2010-03-31T21:53:00.003Z

He has his daddy's ears, down to the finest detail. And one tiny circular indentation on the top of each ear, just like me.

Why I love my son's nursery

2010-03-30T19:01:00.002Z

Apart from all the practical stuff like it being in the grounds of where I work, reasonable fees, great staff etc etc etc...

I dropped him off one day last week and opened the door to the 'baby room' (3-18 months) to find all the older babies sitting in little chairs in little rows with a big alphabet chart in front of them, and the staff singing the alphabet song. The kids all had shakers or bells or noisemakers of one kind or another and were having a ball.

I wish I'd had my camera. Even though I would have to get the permission of about a zillion parents to post it here, you need to see how adorable a tiny little class of tiny little students is!

Because not much has happened since I last posted

2010-03-23T22:04:00.009Z

except:

I went back to work 3 days a week at the end of October (will be 4 days from April)
I have had chronic ideopathic urticaria since a couple of weeks before that (i.e. hives for which no obvious reason can be found) and they persist! This is my fourth bout since I was 16 and every other time they've just gone away after about a year, so, fingers crossed.
Speaking of which, Matteo just worked out he can cross his fingers. No photos of that, but plenty of others. Weirdly, I took no photos in November, only videos.

October 2009

December 2009

January 2010

(good look, that dribbly chin)

February 2010

(he had his ankles crossed in utero, too)

March 2010

Life is good.

And my husband thought I took too many photos of my nephew...

2009-09-28T20:31:00.011Z

Maybe he's a little bit more than 50% Italian?

2009-09-15T22:36:00.001Z

(he's certainly some percentage of psycho ham when it comes to having his photo taken)

Suddenly...

2009-09-09T22:10:00.004Z

... it all became terrifyingly clear:
his social life was completely dictated by his mother.

The darkness

2009-09-08T21:29:00.001Z

You know how babies generally like to pull hair?

Well, the baby who lives in our house likes to pull my hair right out by the roots and then examine the strands caught around his tiny fingers. Pleasant.

I'm not proud of this, but the other day I was so desperate to get a few more minutes rest after a mutual nap while he played on the bed (read, pulled on my hair) that I yanked some strands out myself, rolled them into a more or less cohesive clump and gave them to him to play with. Some days I gross even myself out.

I'm thinking of getting him some kind of doll or doll head with long hair, to save my own.

Really?

2009-08-30T19:34:00.002Z

I can have my own blog when I grow up?

Boy

2009-07-16T19:27:00.003Z

Time to confess that not only did I want my baby to be a boy due to my adoration of my amazing nephew Harry*, but also because of Fussy and Finslippy. Before I even wanted to have a baby, I'd read about Jackson and Henry and be floored by the cute and the funny and the impossibly articulate.

That's kind of shallow, right? Oh well, he'd be just as awesome as a girl.

Only pinker.

(* I now have another amazing nephew (and godson), Matthew, but I don't know him that well yet.)

The strawberry - a cautionary tale

2009-07-07T09:10:00.004Z

o.m.g.

2009-06-30T22:27:00.000Z

I just found the notes I kept soon after Matteo's birth of when he fed, for how long, from which side etc (that only lasted a few weeks). How in anyone's name did I manage to wield a pen, let alone make coherent notes when I was obviously in the deepest depths of sleep deprivation hell?

Not planning on choosing that scenario ever again.

Tough life

2009-06-23T21:49:00.002Z

Before the fall

2009-06-09T20:27:00.001Z

'What, I have to stay like this now?'

He has the pissed off, poor me look down pat

2009-06-03T19:19:00.004Z

'Where the hell are my cot and my blue bunny? Can't you see I need to sleep, woman?!'

Could this be summer on its way?

2009-05-24T11:30:00.000Z

(Fingers crossed)

He must know he's part-Australian

2009-05-24T11:26:00.003Z

Matteo doesn't usually hold on to me when I carry him around (after all, it's mummy's job not to drop him!), but today he fell asleep in the stroller on the way home from Waitrose, at about the time when he'd normally have his longest nap of the day. Usually I just leave him in the stroller til he wakes up. However, since he's been napping in his cot rather than his bouncy chair or on his playmat (and he seems to be over the toys dangling from the arches now too), he sleeps so much better and longer. So I unstrapped and carried him, half-asleep, upstairs to his cot.

He clung to me like a little koala.

Placeholder

2009-05-20T21:11:00.003Z

I guess I'm not blogging much anymore, huh.

I do have a pretty crazy 'mummy' social life now though. Coffee dates, lunch dates, Rhymetime at the library, Magic Music Box, just hanging out with the little guy... Five more months of this until I go back to work three days a week. I could get used to it.

Hmm. I'm liking this tie-dying a bit too much.

2009-04-06T21:39:00.002Z

Here comes the soppiness

2009-03-26T19:40:00.002Z

But truly, I have never felt more privileged than I have today when Matteo, grumping and overtired, fell deeply asleep in my arms. To soothe him into that state, and be a safe place for him, even though I know babies can pretty much sleep anywhere, felt like such an honour.

And then, because I'm pretty tired myself from a cold, I took him, still sleeping, up to our bedroom and lay dozing with him for an hour. He woke up for one final bottle before bed and is now all tucked up in his sleeping bag with his bedtime bear. Asleep again and, if experience is anything to go by, we won't hear from him until around 6am tomorrow.

There is a lot to like about this mother stuff.

Didn't you know?

2009-03-23T16:06:00.004Z

All the cool babies are sleeping with bunnies on their faces these days.

Confession

2009-03-04T20:52:00.002Z

My baby is just over 16 weeks old, and to date I have never changed his nappy in a public place - other people's houses, yes, but never in a baby change room/ladies' room. Not even in Starbucks, where I spend an ionordinate amount of time and money.

I almost did today, but needed to get to the post office before it shut so let him linger, so to speak. Judging from the huge grins he gave me while I weighed parcels, he most definitely approved.

The washing machine is struggling, however.

Things I thought I would never ever be able to do again when I was newly postpartum

2009-03-02T16:13:00.003Z

(and now do all the time)

Read a book
Sell books on Amazon
Sleep during most of the dark hours without being woken until morning
Be woken by anything other than our baby crying
Sit in a coffee shop and read a book
See a film at the cinema (ok, I've only seen two so far)
Housework - I wasn't missing this, I can tell you
Make a meal
Write in a journal
Organise all the digital photos of our baby

Add to all that my very active presence on ebay as both buyer and seller of baby items and , while I'm not back at work yet, I'm achieving more than I ever dreamed would be possible. I am so glad to be out of that helpless, hopeless space.

Tomorrow we start a mother & baby yoga and baby massage course, and I'm slightly apprehensive. I'm no yoga bunny and I am fearful of a huge dirty nappy at just the wrong moment.

He sleeps

2009-02-24T10:56:00.002Z

Dear internet

2009-02-20T21:21:00.002Z

(or rather, dear lovely kind people who read this blog)

Some advice if you can, please. We are planning to have Matteo's christening in June, if I get my act together and check that the date our preferred priest (who married us) is available tallies with the church availability. So far, so fine. But what to do afterwards? I know it's traditional to have some kind of meal/tea/party, but we seriously do not have room to have people over to our house, even if it is a sunny day and we can corral everyone outside. June days in London can be sunny (our wedding day in 2006 was glorious, as were the few days following), but nothing is guaranteed. Especially not the weather forecast...

Any suggestions? It would be nice not to have to leave the church and that be the end of the celebration. We could book a big table in a restaurant, but we can't afford to pay for everyone, and something more relaxed would suit me better.

Actually, (how satisfying it is when blogging about a problem provides an answer) what I would really like - and I will do this, but may be stymied by the weather - is to have a big picnic in the town park, which is in walking distance from the church. People could BYO blankets to sit on, and a plate of food, we could provide drinks (and we could even buy them en route). Now, that I like.

(But please do make any other suggestions you can think of. Especially if you've ever lived in an English terraced house and wanted to have a party!)

Youtube

2009-02-17T12:07:00.002Z

Turns out there is an excellent free way to share videos of baby behaviour with my family in Australia. Sure beats emailing huge attachments.

Matteo is moving out of the Moses basket into the cot tonight. Fingers crossed it will be almost as smooth as moving him to his own room was.

Blessed

2009-02-10T09:49:00.002Z

Matteo was in bed at 8pm last night. This morning I woke around 7, and went in to his room at 7.30 as I'd heard nothing from him and he is usually awake earlier. He was lying in his Moses basket, arms by his sides, peacefully awake. When he saw me, he smiled a quietly delighted smile, and kept on smiling as I told him I was going downstairs to get his bottle. I came back up to find him still quiet, still beaming.

What an angel-boy. He's now asleep on his playmat.

Snow days

2009-02-03T19:26:00.001Z

2009-01-31T00:04:00.002Z

This motherhood deal is pretty sweet, if you don't count the nine weeks of emotional hell that came before the last couple of wow-i-love-this-kid, and what-a-gorgeous-smile, and you-are-really-joining-in-this-conversation! and fewer nappies! and more sleep!

I just have to keep remembering to call myself 'Mummy' when I'm talking to him, and not 'Auntie Anne'...

Any day now, 'cow'

2009-01-30T21:58:00.004Z

Any day now, 'cow', you are so dead.

What, you have to photograph everything?

Yeah, I'm still watching you... and could you do something about this 'cow' please?

People. Ugh.

2009-01-14T16:57:00.003Z

The world would be a better, if smellier, place if dogs were in charge.

Examples of human crapness from today's little errand-running trip into Enfield Town with Matteo in his sling:

1. Post office employee decides it's ok to keep a queue of 13 people waiting while he reads and then signs a card for a fellow employee, putting it back in its envelope before he calls the next customer. Actually, two of the cashiers did this. I only really noticed when my least favourite, exceedingly customer service-free cashier was involved. (Our local post office used to be staffed by knowledgeable employees who'd worked there for years. Then it was bought by Londis and turned into a supermarket with a post office section at the back. Now there are rarely more than three cashiers manning the counter, longer queues than ever before, and the cashiers were all new except for one. It took ages before any of them were up to speed with postal information.)

2. Man smoking while waiting for the same bus as me puts his cigarette out on the bus timetable stand when the bus arrives. How is that ever an ok thing to do?

Ah well, at least there's none of that in our house where I tend to be most of the time at the moment due to, I don't know, possibly the demands of a 9-week-old baby. Who just happened to sleep from 11pm to 5am last night - way to go Matteo!

So a gratuitous photo might be in order. Speaking of which, recommend me a reasonably priced, good quality digital camera with a decent length zoom? I'm happy with automatic everything else.

(This is the Superman pose he adopts when on his playmat and contemplating punching the stuffing out of poor Dylan the (not-very-much-like-a-donkey) Donkey. (Who has weird pink strings coming out of the top of his head. Do toy designers not think anything for babies should be vaguely realistic?)

He often does this while his nappy is being changed too. Maybe he just thinks he's so cool because he can just lie back while someone else takes care of the dirty work?

2009-01-02T15:47:00.002Z

Internets (or at least those of you out there with children), can you help me?

Matteo is 8 weeks old on Sunday. During the day, when he's not sleeping, I talk to him, read to him a bit, sing nursery rhymes to him, and he has a bouncy chair with toys hanging down above him which I sit him in sometimes, and if I need to get something done I park him e.g. in the kitchen and try to remember to talk to him about what I'm doing while I do it. I try to get him on his tummy for 'tummy time' but he pretty much hates it. I'm thinking about getting a playmat for him, one with an arch and dangly toys for him to reach for. M is mostly working during the day (at home) but also sings to him and

I feel like I don't know what to do with him really - do you think at 8 weeks old he needs more? What did you do?

Belatedly announcing...

2009-01-01T22:01:00.003Z

Matteo, born 9 November 2008. For an almost 8-week-old baby he's a pretty cool dude.

In other baby news

2008-10-21T17:01:00.002Z

I am now 37 weeks pregnant, and I still look in the mirror every so often and think, How did that happen? It's crazy that it feels unreal at times - I mean, I have this huge protruding belly (not that huge, measuring a few weeks behind my dates, but still, huge) and I can't bend over easily, my legs almost fall off after walking up the stairs and poor M is relegated to the edge of the bed that I'm not taking up, my calves are a mass of thread veins (but not swollen, yay!) etc etc.

I may have to be admitted to hospital next Monday after my antenatal clinic appointment - just a precaution as the baby has not yet 'engaged' - which the internet tells me is not that unusual for a first baby at 37 weeks, so it's a bit annoying that I may have to spend a week in hospital doing nothing when I'm not ill, but I trust my doctor's instincts (a non-engaged baby is at risk of cord prolapse if labour starts). If the baby still hasn't engaged by the end of that week, they will keep me there and induce me - not my ideal scenario, but again, whatever is safest for baby. I am in a flurry of bag-packing, baby-clothes-washing and organising everything in case I only have until Sunday to finish it all.

On men

2008-10-21T16:56:00.002Z

I've been meaning to write a post about how impressed I've been by all the 'menfolk' I've met at various antenatal classes since becoming pregnant. Maybe I've been labouring under the delusion that husbands and partners are all of my father's generation and not so involved as modern men might want or expect to be, but these guys are great. Of course, M has been wonderful, as I knew he'd be (I'm sure he would be excited to know that I told the internets he was a natural with the baby doll we had to hold through a five-hour NCT class last week), but somehow I didn't expect that every other father-to-be I met along the way would be so keen to know what happens at birth and how they can help their partners most, how to bath a baby and change a nappy etc etc etc.

And yet they are. Bravo men!

Internet housewife

2008-10-10T22:55:00.001Z

I am a total internet housewife. Here I sit on a Friday night, ordering curtain fabric samples online. And enjoying it.

My life is suddenly so exciting.

Procrastination...

2008-10-08T08:48:00.003Z

Why, why, why, why, oh why do I have such difficulty picking up the phone to interview the two doulas I've found, hoping to work with one? For goodness sake, I only have 5 weeks til my due date and I can't waste much more time!

I think I may not have to see my midwife again before the birth, (and she won't be at the birth) as it looks like I'll probably just continue to have 2-weekly appointments with my consultant in the antenatal clinic. Which suits me just fine... considering my consultant knows my name and face (and medical history) and the midwife wouldn't know me if she fell over me.

Unconscious

2008-10-07T08:39:00.001Z

In my sleep last night, I apparently said, 'Ask M, he'll know what to do.'

Way to put the guy under pressure when he's trying to sleep!

Sometimes spam is just too amusing

2008-09-28T15:43:00.007Z

Attention:Sir/madam, How are you today? Hope all is well with you and family?,You may not understand why this mail came to you.

(But wait, I do! It's called phishing!)

We have been having a meeting for the passed 7months which ended 2 days ago with the secretary to the UNITED NATIONS.This email is to all the people that have been scammed and defrauding any part of the world, the UNITED NATIONS have agreed to compensate them with the sum of $600,000 Dollars for each.

(No way! I'm finally going to get back that $600,000 some Nigerian phisher scammed me out of? Sign me up!)

This also includes all the foreign contractors that have not received their contract sum, and people that have had an unfinished transaction or international businesses that failed due to Government problems etc. So we found your name in our list and that is why we are contacting you, this have been agreed upon and have been signed. So you are advised to contact Mr. Jim Ovia of ZENITH BANK OF WEST AFRICA PLC, as he is our representative in West Africa, contact him immediately for your Cheque / International Bank Draft of USD$ 600,000. This compensation funds are in a Bank Draft for security purpose OK?

(OK!)

So he will send it to you and you can clear it in any bank of your choice or in your bank. Therefore, you should send him your, FULL NAME:....................? FULL CONTACT ADDRESS:.........? MOBILE PHONE NUMBER:..........? OCCUPATION:...................? MARITAL STATUS AND AGE:.......? BANK NAME:....................? Your correct mailing address where you want him to send the Draft to you. Contact Mr. Jim Ovia immediately for your Cheque: Person to Contact Mr. Jim Ovia Email: mr.jimovia75@gmail.com +23480-6017-33-25

(I know! How about I just send you my bank account details and you can deposit the money directly? Wouldn't you prefer that? Or maybe you're going to ask me for those when I'm a bit further into your net.... ok, I can wait.)

Thanks and God bless you and your family. Hoping to hear from you as soon as you cash your Bank Draft. Making the world a better place Regards, Mr. Koffi Annan. Former Secretary (UNITED NATIONS).

(Who knew that Koffi Annan used gmail!)

Accidental belly shot at 32 weeks

2008-09-16T20:08:00.002Z

(this baby so wants its photo taken...)

Also!

2008-09-14T13:39:00.002Z

I do not bake. Although maternity leave (pre- and maybe even post-baby) might see me venturing into the recesses of our new oven with flour and, um, whatever else makes cakes. Don't tell me to call it a cooker, I will beat you. I am Australian and it is a stove with two ovens. Ok?

But! I love looking at pictures of cupcakes! Thank heavens for all the delicious cupcake blogs around. I do miss Chockylits Bakeshop. Just look at this!

I find that shop-bought cupcakes (all cakes for that matter) never taste as good as those which are home-made. Someone prove me wrong.

This entry proudly brought to you by Exclamatory Remarks

2008-09-14T13:24:00.005Z

Three weeks of work left until late October 2009! They interview for my replacement 5 weeks after I leave!

It felt good to be buying my last-for-a-while monthly Travelcard last week! I might try out bus passes!

I painted three radiators yesterday!

M is listening to a tacky 60's CD on repeat while he paints windows! But it has 'King of the Road' on it! Happy!

Today I am sanding windows and cleaning exterior sills.

The sun is shining!! (this deserves two exclamation points) When it's sunny these days my first thought is that it's a good day to hang the washing outside!

Not to be negative! But Obama is not going to change the world (or the USA's place in it)! IMO!

I am feeling fat! And too tired and breathless to exercise!

Wildlife and epidurals

2008-09-06T17:24:00.003Z

The squirrel who visits our garden to eat our apples and pears (and brings his own pinecones to dismantle and eat on the little stone seat) leaves us occasional gifts of pears on the patio outside our back door. Up to now I had thought they were fruits he had started and not finished, and just left where he'd been eating, but the presence of a gorgeous, unmarked and un-nibbled pear today makes it clear that he is indeed leaving us gifts. Or, if I want to be more cynical, he's saying OK guys, I'm going to eat most of the fruit on this here tree, but I'll bring you a couple to keep you sweet.

In other news, thanks to ginormous Fred the fibroid, and my rogue antibodies, the birthing centre at the hospital have risked me out of giving birth in their relatively lovely low-intervention midwife-led environment. I'm disappointed, as it means a much more 'hospital' scene, but the labour ward downstairs still has a birthing pool and birth balls, plus doctors for emergencies and uncomplicated access to an epidural if needed. This reinforces my desire to stay away from the hospital until the absolute last moment.

Pregnancy files - 29 weeks

2008-08-29T21:41:00.002Z

I swear, my belly is a mosh pit at times.

With just one very crazed little human running up and down and jumping and surfing the crowd of itself.

Now I know where all the Waitrose Baby Butter has gone

2008-08-25T22:47:00.002Z

Waitrose sells out as women buy baby butter for facial moisturiser! *

I'm intrigued and want to try it (not necessarily on my face!) as their vanilla coconut massage oil is divine, and M and I have used it for massage for a couple of years. It's especially lovely on tired feet. But my local Waitrose is consistently sold out.

Enter ebay. There are pots and pots of the stuff for sale, exorbitantly priced as only ebay sellers know how to price in-demand items. Add in postage, and eager bidders, and you could easily pay £10 for what should cost you £2.49.

*NB, not made of real babies...

Little Chico *

2008-08-23T21:54:00.003Z

That already, at 28 weeks and four days in utero, my baby is a chocoholic.

Don't give me any science about sugar or caffeine, this baby kicks like a donkey after I eat chocolate and I choose to interpret that as 'More Mummy, more!'

(*Chicos are actually kind of gross and probably very politically incorrect, but they are part of the Australian experience. Think chocolate jelly babies.)

Fox files

2008-08-23T21:23:00.003Z

Our garden is a bit of a wildlife haven, it seems. We have a regular squirrel visitor, and another squirrel who gets beaten up by the other if they happen to visit at the same time. M thinks it's the fruit trees (apple, pear and plum) that attract them. I *cough* also left some nuts out once, but we won't mention that.

The overgrown nature of our garden - we have a strip at the back that we have left for years to go wild - has also attracted foxes, most notably a young pair of siblings, who were cubs when we first saw them rolling around together in the grass early one morning. A few mornings ago, I was surprised to see a large bright pink rubber bone in the middle of what we loosely call our lawn. I figured someone had accidentally thrown it into our garden. The next day it was closer to the house, with extra teethmarks, so we knew the foxes had been playing with it.

Today, M and I finished clearing out the shed, one of the many jobs M has set us in preparation for becoming parents in November. Seriously, we do not have a non-working weekend planned until mid-October, when I've told him I will be too pregnant to do anything (while attempting to drown out his mother's reminiscences about going into labour while she was working in the fields in Italy...) Rooting around in a shed that's full of spiders isn't nearly so daunting in England, where none of the little beasties are poisonous. Man, this country is so tame compared to Australia.

When he went beside the shed to clear what I hadn't even realised was a paved area (that's how overgrown it was) and stood in the cool darkness under the fig tree, he found a little den with more toys in it! A dog's ball, and some kind of plastic soldier toy. The foxes have been pilfering and storing their loot in our garden.

And I really am glad that they chose us. There's something very special about coming downstairs just after dawn (not a regular occurrence for me at the moment, but newborn baby here we come) and seeing rust-coloured beasts bounding around our garden, or hiding in the grass. We might be living in the country. And when, later in the day, the squirrel pops his cheeky head in and tries to get inside the house, then sits on a small concrete seat M made under the pear tree to nibble at fallen fruit, or seed pods, I feel very lucky to live here.

(btw, the paint colour in the nursery? Love it. It was just an initial 'that isn't identical to the swatch' reaction.)

Nursery painting

2008-08-10T18:16:00.001Z

Um, that colour is way more blue on the walls than in the tin. M doesn't particularly like it. I am determined, however, to love it. Pictures to come.

Doesn't fresh paint make a room look so clean!

MIL wisdom

2008-08-03T16:26:00.002Z

M's mother said last night that you absolutely cannot dress a baby girl in blue. And omg red must never be seen on babies. Apparently my choice, as we're not finding out the sex before the birth, comes down to pale yellow or pale yellow. Or, as I like to think of it, 'the colour of pus'.

Podlet, you are going to be shocking your grandmother with my choice of clothing for you.

Progress

2008-08-02T18:00:00.004Z

(nursery-wise)

Today we cleaned and half-painted the spare room aka nursery. Sugarsoaped walls, cupboard and windowframes, painted the ceiling and wall above the picture rail white.

This is the colour I've chosen for the walls. I wanted a pale gum leaf colour, but of course very pale grey-green just looks grey and M vetoed it. So we have Woodland Pearl. It's pretty close, and of course the real colour is not exactly the same as the internet version.

Next weekend, we add the colour!

Such a cliche

2008-07-11T20:48:00.002Z

At 22 weeks pregnant, I'm finding I 'hit the wall' at about 9pm. I am normally a midnight-and-still-awake person, so this is weird. But then, the last couple of days I have felt like I'm carrying about a ton of weight in my tummy, which is also weird and very tiring, so maybe the two are connected. I'm vaguely bitter about the fact that tiredness is supposed to ease in the second trimester - I wasn't really tired in the first trimester, so I guess this is my particular take on pregnancy.

I am growing a chocoholic, by the way. The only thing that reliably gets the baby bouncing around is chocolate. And maybe blueberries. I've been eating heaps of blueberries to try to be nice to my legs, which are growing thread veins like it's a biological imperative.

I can't believe I haven't been keeping a pregnancy journal! It's not too late to start now though, and I figure I can remember enough, and have enough journal and blog entries to populate the early months and get into a routine from now on.

On that note, I am going 'in bed', as my Italian mother-in-law says.

Narnian adventures

2008-07-05T22:01:00.004Z

I saw Prince Caspian tonight. Enjoyed it. I still get a thrill when 'good' fights 'evil', when talking animals and centaurs and children best an army of men.

At the door on the way out I was handed an A4 sheet of paper headed '4 Things We Can Learn From Prince Caspian'. It goes on to outline the 'four spiritual lessons we can learn' from the story.

Is it just me who is a bit nonplussed by this? I mean, way to go local churches for doing some targeted direct marketing I guess, but is there an adult who has read the Narnia Chronicles who isn't aware that Lewis wrote them as a Christian allegory? I've only read The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe and it was obvious to me when I read it again as an adult. I suppose a lot of people see the films only, without reading the books, but how could they have missed this aspect? Once you know it, the 'spiritual lessons' are written plainly on Aslan's furry face.

My critical assessment? Susan's lips were even bigger than in the first film, but I did like this song.

Lazy blogging

2008-07-04T21:20:00.010Z

Wherein you get the contents of a comment I left on Sarawr's blog, with a bit of editing and some photos:

My week (and a bit)
by Anne

Wednesday 25/6: 4 hours sleep the night before. Fly to Berlin. Walk around all day. Go to some middle-of-nowhere place in East Berlin just for the hell of it and find there is nothing there. Find out from a colleague at work later that its name means 'Mosquito Bridge'. We did actually see some mosquitoes. Wander back into town and stumble across Checkpoint Charlie (bonus!). Get no sleep because Germany won the football and the whole city decides to stay awake outside our hotel window. With fireworks. Note to self - do not stay on the Ku-damm when Germany is playing in the European Cup (I think that was what it was). Actually... Revised note to self - do not go to Germany when Germany (or Turkey) is playing in the European Cup.

Thursday 26/6: Walk around all day in Berlin. Catch a tram to the end of the line in East Berlin and find... huge Soviet-style mega blocks of flats, more flats and... a Chinese restaurant. Play darts and eat kebabs (real ones) in a Turkish pub a bit closer to civilisation. FInd an awesome chocolate shop which sells chilli chocolate so hot I could only manage two small pieces at a time. Get no sleep because Spain won the football and the whole city decides to stay awake outside our hotel window. WithOUT fireworks.

(The Chinese restaurant at the end of the universe)

Friday 27/6: Go to the zoo and subtly distribute M's poem 'The Liberation of Berlin Zoo'. See Knut the famous polar bear cub (not so much cub any more) and discover he is an attention whore, unsurprisingly. Feel sad about zoos in general. Wonder if the elephants are actually suicidal or if dangling their legs into the waterless moat is just exercise. Go to Spandau. Regret it. The Zitadelle is closed for a Kraan concert. They formed in the year I was born. Rock on. At least there is a post office. Post some postcards. Not terribly much sleep. There seems to be a small group of randomly singing men wandering the streets outside our hotel. They go away around 5am.

Saturday 28/6: Relaxing German-language boat tour (we could make up our own commentary!) and a fantastic afternoon and evening in Potsdam, wandering the gardens and biergartens of Sanssoucy (truly Berlin's Versailles, plus windmill). M tries a red Berliner Weisse as the rain buckets down. Almost no sleep because we get on the wrong train (I'm not complaining, I had 4 days of not caring too much where we went and letting M and P make all the travel plans) and we go back from Potsdam to the centre of Berlin via THE AIRPORT late at night and reach the hotel after midnight.

And especially for Sarawr - tomatoes growing in the flower beds at Sanssoucy:

What I learned about Berlin in a very short time:

Their iced coffees are almost as good as Australian iced coffees, and leave British attempts in the dust.
I need to go back and do more touristy things - I am fascinated in a very cliched way by the Berlin Wall.
The Turkish food there is indeed rather wonderful.
My German is kind of passable.
The public transport is cheap and excellent.
Pfifferling mushrooms are yummy - in season now.

Sunday 29/6: Fly back home. Go to bed too late. Cry in the shower because I am so grumpy.

Monday 30/6: Wake up exhausted and headachey after too much walking for a pregnant person and not enough sleep in Germany for any kind of person. Work.

Tuesday 1/7: Work. Not impressed to be on the early shift this week.

Wednesday 2/7: Work. Go to see a film with friends but I get the day wrong and we miss the film, so eat Indian food together instead. M comes to bed at 3 fricken 30 am despite promising 12.30am at the latest. Not impressed that we no longer have a spare room to which he could be dispatched. (It's now an almost-nursery.)

Thursday 3/7: Almost fall over from tiredness when I get out of bed. Stumble through the day and because I am a perfect wife still go to M's poetry reading in the evening.

Today 4/7: Oh my god, how pregnant do I look now!?! Work. Stood up by MY THERAPIST. (Later find out she had a good excuse.) Bed.

Juicy

2008-06-14T18:30:00.001Z

I can't remember where I found this picture years ago, but it still amuses me greatly.

Summer?

2008-06-14T17:56:00.004Z

The weather here has been pretty unpredictable but there have been some gorgeously sunny and warm days amongst the cloud and cool.

Tuesday was our second wedding anniversary so we caught a train from Victoria to the Kent coast and ended up at Broadstairs. A wonderful day of walking on the beach, Italian food and watching teenagers jump from the forbidden pier. I even got ever so slightly sunburned - not something I would remotely tolerate in Australia, but here it's so unusual it felt healthy!

On June 10 2006, we probably would have laughed if you'd said that two years down the line we would be expecting a baby.

What the fruit?

2008-05-31T17:33:00.003Z

A while back, the baby was apparently the size of half a banana. Then not so long ago, the internet tells me it would be around the size of a grapefruit. My latest search reveals that baby p2 is now the size of an avocado. Fine, except in my fruit-eating lifetime, avocados, while obviously differently shaped to grapefruit, are also rather smaller, no? So, Dear Internet, this fruit analogy deal you've got going on is not making a great deal of sense to me.

2008-05-29T18:16:00.002Z

This is not an original thought, but I think it does bear repeating.

Barring a misquotation, Sharon Stone thinks that China's earthquake situation might be down to karma.

By that logic, what is she implying about her own nation being hit by Hurricane Katrina?

2008-05-28T18:23:00.002Z

I was oh so very 'wifely' the other night. I had received some beautiful gifts tied up with ribbon, and as another tea towel fell from its hook to the floor I thought, 'Why don't I recycle these ribbons by sewing loops to all of our teatowels!'.

And lo it was done. While M and I watched 'Planet Earth' on DVD, I was transformed into a diligent housewife. It was fun, and had a great result, but that might be it for me and housewifery for the moment.

2008-05-26T10:35:00.003Z

I just happened upon a painting of trees in sunlight and shadow, and became intensely homesick for that kind of light. It felt like a break in the rainforest. I'll blame the terribly grey and wet day outside and make a note to get out into the sunshine to find my own miraculous dappled light and dark when acceptable weather finally returns.

Apparently my baby is now about the size of a grapefruit. Seemingly a grapefruit positioned cunningly to put pressure both on my bladder and the fibroid.

Stolen from wish jar journal

2008-05-20T21:14:00.003Z

Because it's such a spendid, marvellous idea.

http://add-art.org/

Replaces online ads with artwork!

2008-05-17T17:32:00.001Z

Hiccups

2008-05-17T17:05:00.002Z

This discomfort is really starting to get to me. A hot water bottle helps the constant sub-ache somewhat. I'm pretty sure this is all compression pain (i.e. the fibroid is starting to get squashed) but rest assured I will explore it fully with my doctor.

I think it's pressing on my bowel, and while I would normally massage my abdomen to relieve the feeling of bloat and wind, I can't because my hand hits fibroid too soon, and I am not massaging my fibroid.

Finally found another pregnant woman (obgyn.net) with a pedunculated fibroid, and she's not having a good time of it as her fibroid is degenerating (i.e. dying) and causing major pain. My fibroid already did that once a couple of years ago and then came back better than ever. Lazarus as fleshy growth.

This lady warned me of some danger signs which could lead to miscarriage, so I will also talk about those with my doctor, and a doctor replied to my post with some information about how s/he treats fibroids with 'red degeneration' which is common in pregnancy.

Forewarned is forearmed. This is rather scary, but it may never happen. I can deal with this discomfort, and probably worse, as baby and fibroid grow, for another (gasp) 25 weeks if need be.

And I will also find out about the antibody issue on Monday. Our miracle baby is going to be even more of a miracle to make it unscathed through all of this. I can't wait to meet him/her.

Things that have changed since I became pregnant

2008-05-15T21:07:00.003Z

Eating sometimes feels like a job - am I getting enough calcium/iron/protein...
Fred the fibroid is on a major growth spurt
I haven't had a full night's sleep since mid February, when I was ooh, about a day pregnant
I am beginning to learn to love my tummy
Belts are not my friend

Question

2008-05-07T20:04:00.001Z

So when does feeling fat turn into, 'Oh, look at my lovely baby bump' ? I'm hoping rather soon.

Two scans down...

2008-05-02T21:48:00.002Z

So the scan went well on Tuesday and ohmygoodness what a different experience it was for me compared to the first one. Firstly, the technician was one I've had several times before for scans to do with my endometriosis, and the first words out of her mouth were not, 'Wow, you've got a really big fibroid!' She explained everything on the screen, turned on the sound so we could hear the heartbeat, and took lots of time doing the scan, probably mostly because Baby P was not cooperating in terms of a position in which she could measure the back of its neck. She asked me to cough a couple of times, and the baby got the cutest little shock. I bet it's having fun now that I have a dreadful (unmedicated!) cold, what with all the body-jarring sneezing and coughing going on.

Secondly, whereas at the last scan (10 weeks, 3 days) I couldn't make out much on the screen at all - just hyper-magnified blobs as the technician whizzed around (while M could see the heart beating and everything - the scientist in him maybe?), this time (at 12 weeks) there really was was an actual little baby up there. Its legs were crossed at the ankles (just like mine when I lie on my back, I find it the most comfortable position), little hand moving up to its face and mouth every so often, and at one stage it turned its back on us. This is the first time the pregnancy has felt so real.

There is one little issue about antibodies which is of concern, but we don't have all the information yet, and I have this overwhelming feeling that everything is going to be just fine, so I'm going to go with it.

2008-04-27T20:32:00.002Z

Nope, turns out I still can't feel comfortable blogging about being pregnant until I have my next scan on Tuesday (I was only 10 weeks and 3 days - not that we had a clue really at the first one, which is too early to really tell anything other than (a) there is a baby in there and (b) it is alive). This is the nuchal translucency scan where they look for signs, well one sign, of Downs Syndrome.

I'm mega-worried. Almost makes me long for the days when you were just pregnant until you had your baby. No scans, no tests, just the happy surprise at the end. And I know I could decline this test, but if there is something wrong, even something non-life-threatening like Downs Syndrome, I would rather know so we can prepare for a baby with special needs. I think it's pretty normal to want one's baby to be as healthy as possible, and I know that if this baby is Downs, it has been since the moment of conception - it's not because of something I have or haven't done. That's a big thing with me - maybe it's Catholic guilt.

Whatever happens, we'll always have the magical moment where we discovered we were having a baby. That we could. No one can take that away from us.

Baby photos

2008-04-17T18:50:00.001Z

Having my first ultrasound scan tomorrow morning. I think I might start pregnancy-posting after that if everything is ok with the baby. Nervous!

I should have been there

2008-04-11T22:27:00.000Z

except that I was, um... sleeping.

Waiting

2008-04-10T19:58:00.003Z

I have my first midwife appointment tomorrow, and then my dating scan next Friday. Maybe after that's all out of the way and I can feel confident that (a) I am actually pregnant, and (b) the baby is ok so far, I will start posting about this whole thing.

Just a few snippets:

1. Prenatal vitamins, or rather the iron in prenatal vitamins, are the devil.
2. I'd love a little boy, but given my current obsessive predilection for old Britney Spears songs, I'm thinking there's a very girly girl in there somewhere.
3. I have never experienced this kind of yawning hunger before.
4. I wish I could sleep better. Feb 15 was my last good night of sleep. Which is not to say I don't feel like I could sleep forever. Surely the training for the sleepless, nappyfilled nights doesn't need to start this early?
5. That whole Chinese potty-training thing looks really good, if completely undoable in a London house. Or a London anywhere.

Watch out world

2008-03-21T22:57:00.002Z

Apparently I am having a baby.

This is totally unexpected but welcome, as with my medical history (severe endometriosis) we thought that if we did ever try (which we weren't doing at the time) it would be an arduous, long effort, possibly punctuated by IVF or IVM. Nature had other plans.

There are no guarantees, but if it does work out, maybe I will be a ~~mommy~~ mummy blogger after all!

?

2008-03-13T19:32:00.002Z

What can you say about a government that pussyfoots around the banning of plastic bags (oh, we'll introduce a law in 2009 if retailers don't take action, who cares what's best for the environment and what all right-thinking people want) yet ignores the protests of millions of its citzens to take part in what many have called an illegal war.

Priorities, you're doing them wrong.

(And I'm applying for citizenship exactly why?)

2008-03-02T20:31:00.003Z

Further to my post on peak oil, something to illustrate just how dependent on oil we are:

REPOSSESSION

Down the long leg of the catwalker fishnet melts

to meshwork tobacco spittle. A black liquid garter.

Asphalt picks itself up – each scaly skin spread

between kerbstones is pulling free with a bass

pop. Every city suddenly a kicked nest of adders

coiling together into a spitting rope of pitch.

All along their spines household molecules un-

crack – hydrocarbon vertebrae whose Lego atoms

snap back into line in a chiropracty of electron-volts.

Cars at last cough up. Judder to a stop. Dig ignition-

deep to sputter swart apologies across the crisp white

shirts of their hosts. And every sump on its scrap-heap

bumps and boils its box-black kettle – rejoices openly

as through the stratosphere water-vapour and dioxide

recombine: weave fine mists of oil to drop charred

tapeworms of cirrus. Videos slime in the hand like

jumbo choc-ices. CDs in the rack pucker and shrink

to mushy black peas. Dentures gum up the works

jarred into toothless gaga. Those precise blocks

and avenues of electronics crinkle dark and

mediaeval. In the fast lane of the bowling alley

a caviar cannonball splashes ten full bottles of

devil’s milk – while those of the mobile who gas

this world down to its last nook into Porlock hell

shriek as they peel hot tar from lobes – Yes every

biro mothball racquet sags bleeds gutters

till the black string vest of tributaries resolves –

untangles towards tonsured ozone. Finally

we notice. On satellite-replays Presidents track

their sloed candyfloss economies writhing round

earth’s spindle – are caught on camera in black lip-

stick salve leaning to kiss the screen goodbye – and for

that moment the globe has a single gathering purpose

as a girl glances up from her fractions to witness

those filaments merge to a mother of twisters –

merge and rise and take her place. She watches

the whole black mass lift up and out into daytime

where it balls itself – steadies a wobbling edge

against blue to sling there its low fat circle. Crude

and glossy. She sees the birth of the full black moon

that lights our ways with dark.

Upholding standards

2008-03-02T00:20:00.001Z

Tonight I wrote my first letter to the editor of the Guardian. Why? One of their articles used 'off of' instead of 'off'. I hope it was just something that the copy editor missed and not a sign of things to come. Seriously, this is the home of the English language.

(And yes, I totally feel like some outraged dowager from the Home Counties, which is amusing for a girl from Brisbane, Australia.)

Peak oil, people

2008-03-01T18:56:00.002Z

Peak oil is the point in time when the maximum rate of global petroleum production is reached, after which the rate of production enters its terminal decline. If global consumption is not mitigated before the peak, an energy crisis may develop because the availability of conventional oil will drop and prices will rise, perhaps dramatically (definition courtesy of Wikipedia).

I don't pretend to have a good understanding of this, but what I am becoming convinced of is that we are almost at the point of peak oil. We're almost there. Seriously. Estimates of peak oil range from 2012 to 2017, some up to 2035. I.e. tomorrow. For most people, driving a car (in its current form at least) is not going to be economically viable anymore (which gives me hope in terms of global warming), for everyone, prices of pretty much everything that requires transport are going to rise dramatically. Air travel is once again going to be the province of the rich, which again is great for global warming but leaves this little Australian high and dry. And wars will continue to be fought, even more desperately, for oil.

I hate seeing those emails that surface occasionally telling drivers to boycott buying petrol on a certain day to protest against fuel price rises. To me it completely misses the point. Yes, there are obscene profits being made, but people, we are RUNNING OUT of oil. The price is going to go up no matter what.

Give me a break!

2008-02-18T20:16:00.003Z

This looks pretty much like my new lateral epicondylitis support. I may be the only person in the history of everything to get tennis elbow while removing staples from documents. To be fair, I was under huge time pressure, and the documents in question were thick and old and required much yanking, but seriously? Tennis elbow?

Frozen in a train station

2008-02-14T21:54:00.003Z

I fear that this would mostly provoke irritation amongst Londoners, many of whom are already irritated to bursting point, if my interactions with commuters this week have been any indicator.

But I, for one, would love it.

Support the Public Lending Right

2008-02-14T21:35:00.002Z

If you're in the UK, please consider signing this e-petition about funding for the Public Lending Right.

Public Lending Right (PLR) is the right for authors to receive payment under PLR legislation for the loans of their books by public libraries. Payments are made annually to registered applicants (including the poet) on the basis of loans data collected from a sample of public libraries in the UK.

A reduction in PLR funding will adversely affect the earnings of thousands of UK authors and illustrators. Many are self-employed, and in an industry as unpredictable as publishing, the annual PLR payment is a highly valued and reliable contribution to earnings.Maintenance of decent funding for the PLR is surely in the interests of all authors!

You may have already seen this. But will Gordon?

http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/plr-funding/

2008-02-09T18:47:00.000Z

Our local park is like a club that accepts as members only those who have small children, or who are teenagers. There is the occasional older couple walking their dog, or some just-out-of-their-teens lovers lolling on the grass, but usually it's just a mess of prams, tricycles and music blaring from mobile phones.

And mud. This afternoon, just before the park closed for the dark hours, a tiny boy got an evil look on his face and made a mad dash for the only puddle in the park, muttering, 'Mud'. As his father leaped to halt his progress, the slightly older brother, standing with his bike, nodded and said, 'Mud', with a rueful smile. I guess his mudding days are over.

Overheard

2008-02-06T21:10:00.000Z

(ohmygoodness the tubes and trains have been SO crowded this week)

I'd still love you if you were grotesquely ugly, it's just that I'd be loving you through another woman's body.

If you can't fix it, stop breaking it

2008-02-02T17:30:00.001Z

We so need one of these

2008-01-14T20:03:00.000Z

2008-01-12T17:19:00.000Z

Modern Toss

(excuse the newspaper graininess)

Sometimes I think Miranda July has a window into my mind

2008-01-12T17:17:00.000Z

Are you angry? Punch a pillow. Was it satisfying? Not hardly. These days people are too angry for punching. What you might try is stabbing. Take an old pillow and lay it on the front lawn. Stab it with a big pointy knife. Again and again and again. Stab hard enough for the point of the knife to go into the ground. Stab until the pillow is gone and you are just stabbing the earth again and again, as if you want to kill it for continuing to spin, as if you are getting revenge for having to live on this planet day after day, alone.

Phew!

2007-12-29T18:04:00.000Z

"the truly cultured are capable of owning thousands of unread books without losing their composure or their desire for more"

So Many Books! Gabriel Zaid

Thank you Lucy Mangan for alerting me to this enabling wisdom. I shall no longer feel guilty about the growth of my shelf of unread books. A growth which somehow continues unabated despite constant reading. Can I help it if books make me feel safe?

Sometimes graffiti just says it all

2007-12-16T00:57:00.000Z

On the grey stone wall of the alley I walk through to the train station each weekday morning:

F**K ENFIELD. TIME TO EAT.

Yeah, this place makes me hungry too.

two of my favourite happy songs for a rainy weekend

2007-12-07T19:41:00.000Z